During our first week, we were given a talk about imposter syndrome. The Information Lab takes mental health so seriously and have a lot of things in place to support its community, and this talk was part of that. As a newbie, you're going to know less than everyone around you. The gap between you and the previous cohort, in terms of knowledge of the specific programs, is quite huge. Let's not then talk about those that have been there for over a year, and the coaches, and ANDY & TIM!!!
To be very honest, I didn't really think I'd be affected by it. I was well aware that this was a school and we were here to learn. As a year 7 student, you don't expect to know more than a year 8 student, so I was feeling pretty okay about it. What I didn't expect was the imposter syndrome coming from inside, and not external factors.
Today we went back to basics with Tableau, and it was going okay, till we were left to try things on our own. We had to try and make some of the charts that you see on the show me tab.
I struggled!!!! Even the things I made for my application, I couldn't do. Part of feeling comfortable about the original imposter syndrome was the knowledge that I must know at least something to have gotten in. But today I felt like all I really knew how to do was follow directions on YouTube and other blogs. When the time came, I couldn't recreate those same charts.
I keep trying to remind myself that this may be expected which is why we are taught things from the very beginning. I have a voice in my head saying it's not a big deal and that we're only in week 2. But another, more annoying, voice is trying to push negative thoughts through. And so I'm sat here, at lunch time, by myself, writing this.
I firmly belief this is just a blip in my head and I'll be fine in a little bit. But at this moment, it's really hard to work through. I guess I want anyone reading this to be aware that imposter syndrome can come from within as well. I think, if I had thought about this, I would be better prepared to deal with it.